There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
