why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
