I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
