she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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