I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
