Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
