my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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