This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
