Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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