My sheets look like a crime scene.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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