She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
