Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
