why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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