Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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