Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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