I'm drive I can fine osifer
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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