State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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