My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
