why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
