..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
