think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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