Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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