Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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