Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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