Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
