If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
