It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
