Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
