What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
