I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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