Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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