I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
