i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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