this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you inspire me to be a worse person
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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