I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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