I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
