I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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