oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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