Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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