Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
