plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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