This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
