when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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