peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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