I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
