It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sober January is a disaster.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
