dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
