...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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