in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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