ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
