Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize