i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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