Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
