Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize