How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
