I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
