If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
