if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
