I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's always time for handjobs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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