I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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