I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
