she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
