Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
