i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ttyl tear gas
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize