My room smells like vodka and shame
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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