So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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