Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
