I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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