Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
