My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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