is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
