How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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