hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
