well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
