Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
