i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
