***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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