You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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