i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
