You smell like a Billy Joel song
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
