Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
