More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
