Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
